Tom (Brady) Terrific’s Toilet Is Cadillac Of Crappers

Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images

New England quarterback Tom Brady is not like us.  He’s overcome his 199th NFL draft position to become one of the greatest QB’s ever.  He’s got three Super Bowl Rings, Hollywood looks, makes millions annually and sleeps with super models.

What else does the man have that we don’t?  How ’bout a super duper Toilet! Patriots teammate Wes Welker dropped that nugget off in the  Super Bowl media pool this week.

Tom and wife Giselle apparently installed a Toto Washlet Performance Toilet. Some of these can run upwards of $1,500.

These toilets are electronically controlled and have features you won’t find in the plumbing section at Menards.  They’re self-cleaning toilets with heated seats that open and close automatically.  The Totos fire jets of heated water and air that blow-dry your behind.  And no blue fog wafts after a Brady bombing because the Toto emits sweet perfume scents to cover up unpleasant odors.  (That’s assuming Brady’s s#&t stinks, no one can be certain.)  Some Totos feature MP3 players built into them!

If the Giants supreme defensive front has its way with Tom on Sunday, the Toto will be unable to keep Tom from soiling his drawers.